Born to Kill

My draft number was 76 for Nam.  I saw war in Afghanistan and insurgencies in Nepal and India. So this is my story about war, the lowly politicians that send us there.
When the politicians decide to go to war, who do they call?  Certainly not the overweight civilians, they can be found in McDonalds consuming “Big Macs” sitting in front of their TV’s watching the body counts mentioned in the news.  Certainly not the lowly governmental cretins that are found debating and then sending us to war.  Those lowly politicians are the ones that send someone else to do their dirty work and furthermore they have never been in harms way or their children or their privileged class friends –bastards!  And certainly not the top brass that plan the war in their smartly pressed uniforms with spit shined shoes walking the halls of the Pentagon.  They can be found sitting in their air-conditioned offices planning the war.  No, it is non of them, but it is the conscripts (peace be with them) and (we the (S.O.G.) highly trained warriors) (thank God for us) and screw the bull sh-t government officials – let my team kill all the enemies and do your dirty work – I know your sad story,  F- you

We highly trained warriors and the conscripts are called to do battle to kill our enemies without remorse or prejudice, for us (the SOG teams) it is a job we enjoy.  Actually I would have liked to have had some more engagements in my life time, it is a rush of unbelievable heights!

For me, I feel sadness for the conscripts, as they never wanted to go to war to begin with and when I kill them or when they are killed on our side, I see the fear in their empty eyes and I am sad. I am sad for those conscripts I have killed, for they never wanted to be here in the darkness where the shadows run from themselves from the beginning and for them their souls will remain locked in the frozen silence on the hard land of winter.  I pray for their families that were left behind, for I know they were sent in as cannon fodder and for that I am deeply saddened.

I as a warrior however, was taught and trained to kill and I am a specialist and in one of the Special Operations Groups (SOG) of highly trained killer/warriors).  We are trained utilizing all the latest gadgets and functions possible but it still comes down to killing the enemy. This is a unique job and this job is usually left to God.  Unfortunately, we as warriors are not taught how to deal with the killing and taking of life of others in the beginning but we do learn how to deal with the killing of humans as time goes by.

In the beginning, when I went into battle and stared into the faces of those I had killed, I was dumb struck and just stared at the empty and lifeless bodies and at the head or body wounds where the dark rust colored blood had drained from the ones I had delivered.  In the beginning, I did not know what to do so, I just stared and cried.  Later after some engagements but before the total understanding of what it was to be a total warrior, I would rejoice and celebrate those I killed with the taking of souvenirs similar to taking a feather from a bird or the tail from a fox that I had killed as a child.  This is an unfortunate function of battle.



Later on, I came to appreciate my enemies and those I had killed and as we became more accustomed to death and killing, we would honor those that we had killed.  Everything and the ground and all around us became hallowed and we honored those that had died defending their way versus our way.  We thought of the families on the other side and would hope they knew that our enemies had fought bravely and that we honored those husbands and fathers slain by us.

What kept me going was my team.  It was not the flag or government or the brass with their freshly pressed uniforms and dark spit shined shoes sitting back at a secure base.  No it was the team.  Everything was about the TEAM.  I had a certain amount of power as it was I that was responsible for my men so I found power in that leadership roll. If you were on my team you would live and die for each member of our TEAM.  If we suffered a loss, we would take revenge.  One time after a forty eight hour siege and suffering some losses, we mounted and attacked and wasted without remorse the entire village, burning and killing everything.  We sent a message and it was clear and unambiguous.

I m not certain how I have escaped death for everything around us out here can kill you.  I must say that the pre-engagement of the enemy can be quite exciting.  Adrenalin is released and courses through the body, the heart races and the pupils narrow.  One becomes acutely aware of things around oneself.  It is an awesome feeling.

In the heat of battle for a warrior, one acts from muscle memory and trained instinct and not does not react to ones emotions of fear for fear will get one killed.  For those that can not take the scene of battle, they cower and put the TEAM at risk.  My men have rushed into the field of battle to secure the battle site or save a fellow comrade and now they are heroes in time immortal. Something takes you away from the horrors of battle during the engagement. But it is after the engagement and back in the secure base where the shaking occurs.

Back at he base there are hot chicks in mini-skirts and whores plying their wares and the brass is found wearing their finely pressed uniforms with their spit shined shoes drinking cocktails and the war correspondents and private contractors are happily chatting away.  I feel a sense of anger, for they never knew what we went through. I felt  anger at all of the decadence, so I downed my drink and moved on.

So for me and my TEAM, death becomes an abstraction except for those that are on the receiving end. Killing is what warriors do for society and when we return we do still see the faces of those we killed in our dreams and now I feel sadness for those I did slay. My enemies that I killed I respect their bravery and I am pleased that I honored them with a prayer.

I will say that killing, like childbirth has something spiritual about it. Life and death, the opposite side of the portal of existence are to two different polarizing sacred spots – yet they both are sacred!!

We warriors are left taking the heat but we know that we sought this job and the adrenalin it gives us.  What I can not deal with now is the life of the civilized world. The Sun struggled all day long behind monsoon clouds before finally being extinguished by the rotating earth!!